I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
