we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
