I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want to fling myself into the sun
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
