Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Houston, we have a blender
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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