just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
