Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
