At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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