I wanna bring you to show and tell
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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