I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
