Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
