carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
