So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
