So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
