drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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