There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
