my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
