all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
