i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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