Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
