I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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