Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
