I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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