Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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