this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
