he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
