He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
