btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
