Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
