my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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