Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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