i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
