How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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