Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
