Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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