I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
