he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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