just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
