I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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