You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
