Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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