OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
