Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
