i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A+ Viking dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
