Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
