Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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