I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
