i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
