whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
