woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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