but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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