I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
