the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
