Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
