Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
