Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
